I Want Mommy

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January 14, 2014 by Dennis Gable

It was January 2012 when I reached up into the heaven’s and asked The Lord to allow me the opportunity to become an insta-dad. It was late morning and I was recovering from a bit of an emotional hangover, so I did what most people do in moments of desperation, I prayed.

“Jesus, …Please Lord let me be Jenna’s husband and Nevaeh’s dad!…”

With full conviction, I can tell you that I never thought he’d answer that prayer with anything but a, “No”.

This woman that I had asked God to bless me with, like a gift from heaven, I had known since we were both teenagers. She was the girlfriend of the bass player in a band more popular than the band I was in at the time. Man oh man! Her blond hair, greenish eyes, and cute butt had me mesmerized for years. After I retired from screaming into a microphone I lost touch with her, and  and it wasn’t until the ‘ol Myspace. Remember Myspace? I really hope JT can make something happen with that again [hashtag nostalgia]. As most Myspace users did, I was getting my social media stalk on and finally after creepily finding so many people from high school and my past, I found her.

We became Myspace friends and said hi, but that was it. Then a few months went by and I went Myspace stalking again and this time I found out that woman who was always in a relationship or out of my league had married and become with child. This is odd, but even though it wasn’t my kid [obviously], she was so sexy when she was pregnant. **I’m flustered just thinking about it** Anyway… At that point, I thought for sure that life had taken a dump on my head and ensured that I would never have her.

Fast forward a little bit to when Facebook became the new Myspace. Thanks to the newness of the social network I found another opportunity to reach out to Jenna and try to spark conversation with her. This time we started to build a friendship where we were in some form of general communication every few months or so. During the spring of 2011, I really attempted to be Jenna’s friend. This wasn’t as easy of a step as you may think trying to hit on a girl via the internet may be, because this whole time I longed from afar I was also watching her daughter grow up and I knew that this was a package deal.

After a few months of chatting, texting and a few phone calls, I invited Jenna up to Flagstaff for a night on the town. To be honest, I was fulfilling some kinda school boy crush and had no clue that she was actually interested in me. Well, I guessed incorrectly [or just didn’t pay attention to her as well as I should] and come to find out, she was in to me. But by the time I found out I had kinda pushed her away and moved on with my life as a single dude. A few more months passed and after coming to my senses I confessed some things to her and asked for another shot. And she gave me one, kinda… She had one foot in an old relationship and one foot on me, a newer fling [for lack of a better word]. Cute flirty texts, some phone calls, a trip down to Phoenix to meet her daughter and chauffeur them to church and at that point I had grown to love her. Not the kind of love that you talk about or tell anyone exists, but the type of love that radiates from your eyes when you look at the person and you let them past the smiles and into your soul.

It’s “that look” that scared her away. She knew that she could have me if she wanted me. She knew that she had me where she wanted me, the only problem is that when she got me there, she wasn’t sure if she could handle me. What actually scared her is me; the hyper visionary, nomad, pick up and go with no need for planning or details. Motherly instinct forced her to beg the question, “is he capable of settling down and being a family man?” A fair question, if I do say so myself. The love in my eyes, the fear in her heart, and the lingering ‘what if’ of a past love was the perfect combination for her to distance herself from me.

My heart was broken, and for the second time I assumed that we would become but distant memories of one another. Our contact was sporadic at best until Mother’s Day 2012. My need for adventure led me to take a job in Oklahoma City as Host Team Pastor for LifeChurch.tv. There was an app called Tango that allowed for brief video or voice messages, Jenna and I had once used the app to send one another brief goofy messages. On Mother’s Day 2012 I couldn’t help but send her a video message that wished her a happy Mother’s Day. It seems that I had sent the right message on the right day during the right season of my life and hers.

The rest of the story moves very quickly, so hold tight.
We began dating dating long distance between Phoenix and Oklahoma City. I moved home in August. Proposed to Jenna the day after I moved home, in Nevaeh’s room while she was putting laundry away. We were married just over two months after that. And lastly, a month and half later I helped my wife in the conception of our son, Nehemiah.

Being a husband, a step-dad and now the dad of a newborn has been the three most refining things I’ve ever experienced, and I have had my fair share of experiences. If you’re interested, you can learn more of my story here. Through all of the hustle and bustle, two jobs, two kids, attempting to be a great husband, and trying to share pieces of myself with the world around, I want Mommy!